Hello, my dear readers, it has been a while, hasn’t it? I promise, this post has very little insightful about autism or my brain or anything. I just have been completely absent from the internet for a while, and am surfacing briefly to say hello, let you know that I’m still kicking, and say thanks for sticking with me. Hopefully more substantial things will be coming later. I’ll probably be writing a bit about my experiences of the past months, and what it’s like to be (not openly) autistic while trying to navigate the US medical system. I just haven’t found the words for that yet, especially since its still very much ongoing.
For those of you who want more details, let me just say that I’ve been sick. Very sick. In and out of the emergency room and hospital. No one can figure out whats wrong with me. No one seems to want to talk to each other. I’ve been doing my absolute best to stay afloat and stay in grad school – that’s the source of my happiness, income, and health insurance, and while some kindhearted people have suggested I take a leave of absence, it is more likely to hurt than help. I love what I do, and it’s the one thing that gives me some purpose. My advisor has been extremely supportive and managing his expectations for what I’m able to do, and stopping grad school would leave me completely focused on “health”, which, at the moment, is rather depressing. It’s kind of my outlet in a way.
I’ve been trying to manage a very interesting team of doctors, who won’t speak to each other at all except through abbreviated “visit notes” that go on my chart. No one has any answers, and they continually blame the problems on “well, it’s probably Doctor A’s specialty” to “well, I don’t know, it must be this doctor B’s territory”. It is ridiculous. One of my meds backfired and it took us nearly 2 months to figure out what was causing the problem. I’m *finally* starting to come out the other end, and maybe some of this will let up a bit. But as you might imagine, while I’ve been juggling all of this, writing, or really, doing *anything* beyond the research and work I’m currently paid to do, was out of the question. This is my first functional day in over 2 weeks. I should be working, but here I am instead. That’s one of the reasons this is short and purely information, not analysis.
On a much happier note, about 2 months ago, I finally got out of my hell of a living situation, and am now living with an extremely wonderful person who I absolutely adore, who looks out for me, and genuinely cares about me as a person. Just that, alone, has done wonders for my mental, if not physical, health. And it’s really helped out when I have physical health flares, because I know there’s someone around if I need help. You might hear some from my new roommate on the blog at some point, too.
And with that, I’m off to do some science-related things. Best to everyone – I’ve still been reading, and hopefully I’ll be back to contributing soon too.